Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Holy Wow New Post Serious

Dead serious.  KKM still tearing it up (all of it) even though the last post on here was from June.  June was four months ago.  We're in the future now.  We're on the real serious circuit.  Dick or Treat with us on Halloween (REAL Halloween, not all the fake Halloweens that come before and after - real talk) at the Upstairs Lounge.


Saturday, June 18, 2011

It's summer

Summer is the best. Hands down. Soon as it gets hot, skirts get shorter, clothes get thinner. Legs, breasts, thighs, all out for the lookin'.

god bless sundresses.

bitches like bitches

-Paula Crilch

Friday, June 17, 2011

You Chube

Oh yeah, I also done't uploaded't all of KKM's sets what I had on video from 12/18/2010 and also 01/12/2011 to YouChube.  Check it out on this YouChube channel.  Maybe you'll have to dig for it a bit, but I don't care.

05/14/2011 set coming soon, too.


Razor-Cake And Eat It, Too

Dang ya sluts, check this out!

Or just read my copy-and-paste of it here:


Futuristic Money Makers: CD

Sixth-tier rap crap with rudimentary rhymes and an obsession with pussy and blowjobs. No prude am I, and I’m easily one of the most hip hop friendly folks on staff, but Kool Keith, or even Luke Skywalker, these guys decidedly are not. –Jimmy Alvarado (Pancake Productions, pancakeproductions.net)


Hah hah, we duped RAZORCAKE into listenin' to KKM!  I like the part about Luke Skywalker.


Friday, May 20, 2011


so get your crotch spots wet n shit. All right everyone, the rapture is less than 24 hours away so we better get to four steppin in overdrive so that when that white dude called jesus comes a callin we be fully satisfied. It might seem bleak thinking about the world ending and all but just remember, the sky is gonna be full o bitches come 5 o'clock tomorrow night.

- Paula Crilch

Sunday, May 15, 2011


So fresh, so mutual, so crispy, so self-help, so absolute.  Protect your presents.  KKM step it up another notch.  You missed last night?  You missed everything.  Best birthday party on planet earth.  Step into your time machine and get to the Way Out Club last night.  It's the only excuse for using it to go anywhere but the future.  One more time around with King Kong Magnetics, the crilchin'-est salve for the rash that ails you.  I'm talkin' so V.D.  So pork-steak buffet.  Keep on whorin' in the United States of Hamerica.  I'll get down on a real bad bitch.


Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Osama's Still Alive

 U Do U
Thank you all for the support, so positive, may you all forever have bitches on your dicks #bomd

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Lab Pics

I gotta thank all the bitches and Legends for listenin to our music (especially all the love and support for our new Osama song - see post below). I just want ya'll to know you're sweeter than like 1400 chocolate covered strippers that know a dude's got mad money in his sox ya feel?

Here's some lab work:

Keep your pussies wet for the show at the Way Out Club on May 14th.
Love, Pimp Kane

Monday, May 2, 2011

KKM works with USA to kill Osama bin Laden

New song is so new, so raw, so crisp, so legend, so offensive, so mutual, so knee deep in a bitch, so free, so orange, so positive, so grand, so respectful, so real, so deep, so ignant, and so popular.

Be the first bitch to know about this. #bomd
Believe that!

So many bitches on my dick I'm gonna have to change hats. Excuse me.

Bitch ain't even believe, CNN can't even show this so real government cover up not enough pussy in the White House, love my dick.

-Pimp Kane

Sunday, May 1, 2011

KKM Undercover?

What does y'allz be's thinkin's about this?  I think KKM should submit an application to do all rap versions of Bikini Kill songs.


Thursday, April 28, 2011

Party Party

May 14th, Way Out Club on Jefferson.

A Catolick Celebration for Senor Rob's tirtyif bird day.

Dranks, surprises, legends.

be there!

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Boo Boo'n

Coming was called to my attention tonight when the subject was mentioned at a concert with friends. What I gained most from this was that there are so many different ways that a crilch can come. Some crays may come confetti onto butt holes while some criches' cum is full of tiny goldfish crackers. I'm sure that some people may think fucking is the only way to really come, they are wrong. However direct and efficient humpin to the top of ecstasy mountain may be, it is only one method of reaching orgasm. To fully reap the benefits of a futuristic orgasm, one must first recognize that coming is an immediate response to one of The Four Steps, but is not a step itself. The step that leads us into orgasm, is Step Four: Get Your Dick Sucked. This step is highly important in the cycle of The Four Steps. Because maintenance of The Four Steps is crucial in attaining the highest level of Futuristic being, we must complete Step Four with diligence and enjoyment, thus the cum. All this being said, a true dandy knows how to tap into his or her own mossy higher being and discover their fullest existential cum capabilities. Try rubbing grass clippings between a lovers toes or roll nude in a corn crib. Huffing duster and other substances may excite certain crilches, while lacker and carn whiskey may be just the trick for others. Whatever it is that provides the greatest output of relaxation and Four Step Being, do not be fearful to explore it. Rubber Rat enjoys margarita anal fumes while listening to the baseball game on a.m. radio. All Bug Derl needs is some turkey and quack tracks. Paula Crilch occasionally finds her o face at the thought of hairy freaks feeding one another lacker filled candies and smoking angel dust. Cinco Swag once put a pool ball into his own ball sac and ate an entire bag of flamin hot cheetos. Shit might seem odd at times or frightening, but always remember that no matter how you do it, coming helps you reach another dimension.

- Paula Crilch.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011



Wednesday, April 13, 2011


It has come to my attention that King Kong Magnetics were featured on not one, but two, of the last two "Saint Louis Shuffle" DJ sets by Matt Harnish...every other Monday night at everyone's favorite shut-it-down-late-but-don't-dare-go-home-alone nightspot, Mangia Italiano.  Playlists from 03/21 and 04/04 in 2011 featured the KKM Klassic "Ass Ass Ass Face Face Face."  See y'all at Mangia on Monday nights for the Saint Louis Shuffle.  Or not, who cares?


Swag so cold

But I ain't

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

OMG I love @yourbitch

First off, baby you don't know what your pussy do

Sexond off, I love your bitch. I fuck yo bitch. I take your bitch out to fine dining, pay for the whole affair, then have an affair with your whole thang. Breakin it off like damn. Hottest bipod sexin. + walkin goddamn. Bitch followin KKM on twitter like you already didn't think the pussy was Legend @kkmstl showin hella love to a dick. Bought steak and lobsters like she ain't even eat meat, just to be like damn bitch, I already know you eatin meat. Bitch ate meat ya feel? Damn lobster was fine, pussy was fine, steak was aight. Wine and dine all day, Step 4 all life, dick all pussy, white bone, red bone, all pussy gettin boned. Had a big bowl of rolls like I was payin for the shit haha.
I paid extra for the shit real talk.
Nibbled on ya girl's ear while she was nibblin' on a roll. Damn, hope you weren't at the same restaurant as yo bitch was, cuz I was right there, and you were not right there. Damn Damn. Bitch laughin at all my jokes, and she ain't even laugh at you (oh, she laughs at you though ya know). Damn I'm so charming. Bitch said I was so sex that she ain't even wait for the sex before I gave her the sex.
Damn, that's not even storylookin, ya can't even hear me right now like ya girl can.
And I'm not even tryin to pull like that. It's just physics man. I'm just too physical with your girl ya know. Too damn swagged out to not get the pull. So much pull on my dick, even God's sayin damn.
Look at me whisperin to your girl. Don't hate. Appreciate that I may be savin your ass. Cuz I know that girl's savin a little of me in her ass. Take a note in your phone. Txt yourself. Cuz ya girl ain't txtin you. Does she pull her hair back like that for you? God damn sippin wine like that? She's like some kinda super human. You know what I mean. Maybe you don't. You probably don't. Don't blame me guy, I'm just a rapper. You know what rappers do. Does she wear just her necklace around the house for you, or is it just my house? Or wait, I've seen her in your house too right. Or is that my new house too? I just never see you there so a man's gonna make assumptions. Hot damn pussy. Pussy.


-Pimp Kane

Sunday, April 10, 2011


don't yall forget to follow our dumb asses on twitter, we been blowin that shit up and sayin all kinds of fannies and roflz. important updates, shoutouts to mayors and deities, russel crowe, different types of swag, oprah, fred durst, drug references, positivity, negativity, more drug references, sex references, reference sections, pound signs, at signs, twitter, john legend, we like breathe, .com, inside jokes, outside time, next to myself, inner beauty is bullshit, fat asses and check cashes, my dick, other peoples crispies, junk, jack, jank, boo boo jank jank, bow snap,  legend legend legend, doggies, KATZ, rhonda sikez, barry bird, montel jordan (#23), way more crisp crilch swag than steve harvey could smile his shitty mouth into. swag hard, be more rofl than ever. we will always be better than everybody that ever has or will existed to be again futuristically. i breathe.

@KKMSTL    on twitter. follow, my little sheepiez

-Luc st. louis (cinco swag)

-King Kong Magnetics
- youtube.com/kingkongmagnetics

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Partying Big

I just partied from 1PM 'til 10PM outside in the park.  Who dares party as hard as me?  I will party as hard as any of y'all and then some.  I dare you to party with me.  Let's party.  Partying is so crispy.  It's the bread and butter on which I live now that I have transcended a need for monetary supplement.  Party with me.  You'll never be the same.  We are gonna party on May the 14th and none of y'all will ever be the same.  Just you wait.  Party-time.


Sleepin On the Ground

I just want to remind all ya'll that you can find inspiration everywhere.

The world is full of beauty and pain and craziness and stories that you can steal and turn into your own. Good rhymes can come from anywhere and number one hit songs can be found on any old day when some crilch is asking you about sex with a woman at a stop light. Get inspired by your friends and heshers. Get inspired by hispanic men buttoning just the top button of their flannel shirts and dogs fighting in the park. By water clouds, crying cats, couple fucking in cars in the middle of the day, cum trees, pussy trees, sandwiches, beers, odd looking squirrels, old guys like Devin the dude who are still rapping. ANYTHING! You just have to see the potential.

Please also remember that King Kong Magnetics will always do it better.

Sweet tasting bitches with sour puss,
-Paula Crilch

NEW SONGS! 5 dropped yesterday!



brand new fresh banger material

cray cray


Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Snowball Swag

Winter feelings is almost gone (shit, it was supposed to snow last night but the weather was like fuck it) so you know that spring is next up which means girls lookin fly as fuck and more rap songs and trees smellin like pussy (and pussy smellin like trees). But damn, we still got so much snow in our swag, which we have to credit to all our supporters and haters, the people who came out to our shows, the people who bought Futuristic Money Makers (some copies are still available at Pancake Productions, CD Baby, Vintage Vinyl, and Euclid Records),  the people who are checking out YouTube videos we're posting up (about 20 in the last few days bitches), the people who are following us on Twitter, the people checking out our Facebook page, the people who still get on Myspace to check out our music, people making music, people buying music, people stealing music, people trying to stop people stealing music, the PRESENT, the FUTURE, some of the people who are from the past (but not the ones lookin' at the past and staying in the past), the people using TEKNOLOGY, the people from Thailand, the bitches suckin dick, the Four Steppers, the 11th and 12th Dimensions (respectively), higher planes of consciousness, higher plains of unconsciousness, REAL TALKERS, the girls lookin fine as hell, the graf artists, the treaty makers, the weirdos that's pushing boundaries and norms forward toward the FUTURE, the Hadron Particle Accelerator, Sam Cassell (pictured above, stompin on hella boobs), Cinco Swag, pictures of cats, the people on the Internet supporting our music, the Pancake Houses and Master, 24 hour joints, 24 hour breakfast buffets, 3 o clock bars, Klaus Kinski, all the rock music and soul music and doo-wop music and ragtime music for pavin the way and lookin toward the future with an open mind's eye, new neighbors that ain't dicks, tricycle makers (not a dead art), fisher women, new used cars, new new cars, bitches makin popcorn, Kool Keith, Pam Grier, the real estate market (domestic and abroad), Old Vienna Red Hot Riplets, Mars Bars INC, Hershey's INC, all the candy manufacturers in Sweden and abroad, Carmello Anthony, Lil B, OFWGKTA, bitches wearin glasses, all the carpenters, Based janitors, the zoint rollers, the zoint smokers, the PIONEERS, all the teachers and rappers, kids who volunteer for positive reasons and keep negativity away from the kids they go to school with, Earl Boykins, free zoos, people on the grind, 45 King, the family of those who need thankin, Robert Mitchum, the BBQers in Memphis, the whole West Coast (even Washington State), women athletes, that girl from the supermarket I saw once, and the Super Infinite.

If you have been mentioned above, THANK YOU. You keep the swag alive. We do this for you. Let's get this candy. Keep Sex alive, stay LEGEND. 4 Steps.

-Pimp Kane


I want to give a shout out to technology. We are manipulating the internet daily.
Record a song. Edit a song. YouTube a song.

Listen to Jefferson Airplane. Crilch hard.

Pimp Kane is gonna be taking the reins on our Twitter. So follow us @KKMSTL

 Or on facebook     king kong doodoo dummies 
The internet is infinite. Take advantage.
Keep it candy painted
- Paula Crilch 

Monday, March 28, 2011


Get drunken. Get crilch. If you are sick at home, mix up some emergen-c and vodka. An ole timey rappers remedy. It works like a dream so you can rap better than dreamin. Unless your dream is about humping on a candy painted ho's candy crotch. Then just keep fever dreaming and rap about it when you wake up.

- Paula Crilch

Saturday, March 26, 2011

NEW SONGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




here's one of our many new hit songs


Thursday, March 24, 2011

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

A State Of Utter Confusion

What in the heck?



What is all this anyway?

It's the Pancake Master, stuck inside the future-web

The King Kong Magnetics web-u-site
On the Future-world-wide-web-u-net

I'm lost, help me

Then, let's rap

And party

Save me!

Are we rapping yet?



Sunday, March 13, 2011

No Half Steppin/No Back Steppin

Futuristic Legend, holy damn, Futuristic.
Let's get this money.
Oh my God

Friday, March 11, 2011

Nonprofit Charity, Check Out These Candies

Straight up, ya boy got an iPad 2 today straight first day the shits dropped. Opened the shit up and gave the shit to a main bitch. Who says we ain't clean?

Candy painted iPad, candy painted apples, candy painted everything. Watch out for a candy painted mixtape. Candy painted brain. Oh my candy painted God.

O damn girl

-Pimp Kane

Thursday, March 10, 2011

All Hail The Pancake Master

There have been more than a couple recording sessions this week. As some may know, King Kong Magnetics is constantly recording. We have billions of songs. We do this for you, our people, so that you can have the opportunity to reach a more futuristic level of existence through our music.

It is rumored that the all mighty Pancake Master may have recorded a few tracks. The Pancake Master, for those of you who do not know, put out the first album, Futuristic Money Makers. He is a legend and a pimp and loves music more than anyone we have ever met. Some might say he loves music more than pussy. Although here in King Kong's world, we don't judge based on what gets people off.

Our legendary producers Krymnal and White Boy have been working hard creating beats, recording, and mixing the tracks. We have put tracks up on various sites to be downloaded and listened to for free, so keep and ear open, and we'll keep makin magic.

Keep your eye on the prize, and never forget the dijon.

Monday, March 7, 2011


In addition to Four Stepping, KKM has been busy doing shows (if  you didn't see us at Upstairs, you missed an opportunity to make a whole bunch of fucking money - the bartender was fucking sweeping money up off the floor and throwing it away because there was too much left over at the end of the night), making videos, and recording new ass songs.

And you're probably left wondering how we can pack some much action into a day? Goddamnit. Goddamnit. Fucking Goddamnit.

I'll tell you how I do it, because otherwise you motherfuckers would be wandering around too much in your wondering. Get your head straight legend. First, people gotta eat and shit cuz we're animals and shit. We need to put food (and drank) in our bodies so we can fuck bitches and give y'alls some rap songs. Shit. We also need to shit out a bunch of shit that our body doesn't even need (like water from drank - that's why your blood is so clear, you don't know this?).

These things take time!

Time out of a day that is already packed with so much fucking shit and how the fuck am I gonna be legend when I gotta do all this shit I can't not do ya feel?

Ok, so I gotta say, sometimes you have to multitask. Which can be hard as fuck! You gotta get into slow like. Don't put like a thousand bitches on your dick at first, just start out with like three or four. Like that.  For instance, I've started eatin while I'm shittin (and drankin while I'm shittin and eatin too). And you know hoes is gonna be askin what you're doin in there cuz they want the dick right? And they can pester your shit and get on some goddamn nerves until ya just gotta be all, "Bitch, I'm doin some work in here! Goddamnit, Goddamnit!" She can't see you're saving time behind that door so you can be fuckin and getting so damn high later because shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

So open up the goddamn door.

Open Door Policy Bitches.

Sometimes a legend's gotta eat while he's shittin, and get his dick licked while he shits (crazy bitches fiendin for a dick).

And I know y'all feelin that Daylight Savings bullshit coming up and you're wondering how you're going to get all that shit done with an hour less in your day. Shit, you can't skip a Step in The Cycle. You know that shit. Don't even come around here trying to think you can pull some bullshit like that. Look at you motherfucker. Don't gimme that shit. Suck that shit up. Get high while you shit while you eatin while you getting yo dick licked if you have to (but still Get Yo Dick Sucked after you Take a Nap and before you Wake Up, shit, but I know hoes like you know hoes).

Once I had to put a bitch in another bitch, just so I could fuck both bitches at the same time. The things a pimp's gotta do...

-Pimp Kane

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Wake up, get high, take a nap, get your dick sucked.

Welcome to King Kong Magnetics' blog.

Don't get too wet all at once.

There will always be more to come. Keep checkin in.